1. Is it really almost September?
2. Thank the Lawd for some rain up here in OKC.
3. Our Princess is really growing up when she you ask her to do something and she says to us, "That is ridiculous." Oh boy.
4. I am so excited to meet Cam in a month, BUT I am having so much anxiety about the delivering process. I lost so much blood after I had LF that I am really terrified it is going to happen again. And I want to be able to hold my little Cub right after I have him, unlike having to wait several hours before I could hold my Princess.
So, this is really the biggest thing on my mind, and Andy telling me I need to discuss all this with the Doc at my next visit. He tries to be reassuring, but I know he is nervous about everything too. I feel stronger with this pregnancy than I did with LF. I have really tried to exercise every other day if not every day. But at the same time, I am not sure if that really makes a difference in what my uterus will or will not do after delivery. When I first went in to see Doc for this visit, he said "Now, you are going to behave this time, right?" Ha! He totally kept his cool during everything after LF, but I know it took him off guard completely. And like he told us, "You just really never know when something like that is going to happen or not." I was induced with LF, and I am hoping that Cam in just going to come out all by himself. I do not plan on having an epidural or any medications (I did not with LF), but this go round I really want to steer clear of the Pitocin. I still wonder if that is actually what caused my uterus to just wimp out after all those contractions. I know that is pretty necessary with women that are induced and have epidurals from what I have read, but my contractions were off the charts. As soon as he broke my water, things were moving pretty fast (he broke my water at 7:30 a.m. and I pushed her out at 11:05 a.m.) I don't think the Pitocin would have made a difference in the amount of time I pushed LF out. I think they ended up pumping me with more Pitocin in order to get my uterus to contract after too. I just know it was terrible, and I think I had an out of body experience. As soon as I pushed her out (which was an awesome feeling - like "I DID IT!!!") I remember feeling like I could breathe again, then I saw the reflection of red in my doctor's glasses and was not quite sure if that was normal or not. And then I just kind of floated...as soon as they got some blood back in me though I was like a new person. I remember my mom said my color was coming back and she knew I was on my way. I also know it gave Doc a scare because when he came to check on me he said, "Oh good! I am so glad to see your smile again. You have such a pretty smile and you gave us a little scare for a minute there." Lots to discuss with the Doc this next visit...
I am also doing some research on Early Expression, if anyone has any thoughts on that. I produce a pretty good supply of milk and just the same with LF, I have already started leaking colostrum. I contacted my lactation consultant to get her thoughts on if I could pump that or do something with it. You can actually hand express colostrum before delivery and freeze it! My main concern for doing this is because if I hemorrhage again, then I would prefer my Cub to have the colostrum with all those good antibodies, rather than glucose water or formula. And maybe that will help keep him at bay until I can breastfeed him. I don't really remember all the time frame but I don't think I even held LF until 5 or 6 hours after she was born. It took about two units of blood back in me for me to regain some strength. Nipple stimulation can cause uterine contractions too, so if that helps move the process along without Pitocin, then I am all for it. Just another reason that I feel so strongly about breastfeeding.
I do know that I am in good hands with my doctor and that whatever happens, it will all work out in the end. I am such a planner and that is one of the hardest things about being pregnant! You think you have this plan and everything will go a certain way, but no, that does not always happen. I think I actually only know a few people where everything has just gone completely the way that they wanted!
Childbirth in itself is one thing to go through, and I think every woman that has given birth, (whether vaginally or C-section), can probably say that it is one of the toughest experiences of their life (well, except Gisele Bunchden, but she is a freak of nature). Well, enough of the worry and concerns today...it feels good to kind of get some that off of my chest. I will continue to prepare for battle because really, that is what happens before you have a baby! It may terrify others but thinking about the pain helps me prepare! I swear labor is 75% mental and the rest is physical. When I was about 9 cm and getting close to the pushing point, I looked at Andy and said, "I don't know if I can do this anymore." He told me exactly what I needed to hear and that was "You are almost there - you told me you would say that and that means that it is all almost over! You can do this!" BEST. COACH. EVER. So I will end with this quote today because it makes me happy:
“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
― Betty White
True dat, Betty, true dat.
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