Discovering Joy

I was not really sure what to write about because I have really been feeling a little down the past week. Sometimes the better thoughts come from rambling and I have had some rambling thoughts the past two weeks! Happy. Sad. Angry. Thankful. Feeling sorry for myself and wanting to eat my emotions, which is really easy to do right now being pregnant. Yeah, I did tear up some Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra and yeah, it made me feel better! There is so much happening right now with Andy's work and us possibly moving, and I am REALLY missing my family.  I know that I am having the ups and downs of pregnancy hormones but golly, I am ready to feel some joy!
Everyone has their struggles and there is always someone out there in a worse situation than me. BUT, it's not just my family situation and our struggles that are bothering me right now. It is like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It makes it so hard to focus on the positive too with technology and negative reports on the Internet, TV, and social media sites. I think it was on Kelly the other morning and they were pointing out that the main article on the front page of the paper was something very cliche and down in small print was an article on a possible cure for a certain type of cancer. I mean, really people! That is something to celebrate! And instead of that being in huge print, it was down in tiny little print in the corner. I passed a homeless man (let's call him Blue Eyes - they were the brightest blue eyes) by Walmart the other day and just about burst in to tears. His sign said, "We are ugly. But ugly people get hungry too." His sign was referring to himself and his sweet dog with him.  I mean, even this guy has more of a sense of humor than I do right now! I went and grabbed him a Wendy's combo meal and took it back to him. When I pulled up, Blue Eyes said, "Ooooh, bless you little lady!" and there was such joy in his eyes! It was like I handed him a Wendy's bag with a million dollars in it! And what did I say back to him - "Have a nice day".  I mean what a load of crap Michelle. Surely I could have said something a little more inspirational or uplifting. Nope. Have a nice day.  And as I drove off, I could just feel the tears in my eyes! It tugged at my heart strings for some reason that day. I don't know if other people ever go through emotions like this but then I was like "I NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD!". It made me want to welcome every homeless or needy person in to my home and give them a bowl of warm food.

I know that with all this comes the miracles in life that I lose focus on when there is so much negative. All I have to do is look at my Baby Girl's face and see the joy that has not been tainted by the cruelties of the world. She still finds the joy in the little things - blowing a bubble and popping it, swinging, using Andy as her tree since she is his monkey, seeing a bird in the sky, grabbing my hand to show me the rock she discovered in her rock garden - these little things are what bring me the most joy in life. Those little discoveries that she makes are the most joyous ones.

So, I am going to try and focus my energy into seeing the little things in life that bring us the most happiness. And later, I want to pursue the big things that can bring joy into other's lives. Andy told me that once we are settled somewhere he really wants to open a soup kitchen (just another reason I love this man so much). I think that it sealed the deal for me with Blue Eye's last week. Even though there is so much negative in the world, when the positive breaks through, it is so uplifting. When you see the actual joy in a complete stranger's eyes, that is when you can discover the joy for yourself.